Monday, September 19, 2005

News headlines from the future

The date is 2049, here are the headlines:

  • This year marked the 20th birthday of Middle Eastern Union (MEU) This was made possible due to the fact that -excluding Isarel - there are no more armed militias or refugees or borders across the Middle East , and Lebanon became the capital of the MEU (Middle East Union)! People with different religions and backgrounds managed to put their differences aside and live happily ever after!
  • Iran has warned that it will impose some economical sanctions on the United States of America if the latter does not give up its nuclear ununhexium-weapons program. The Iranian foreign minister said that military action has not been ruled out yet.
  • Syria has increased pressure on France to release all its political detainees.
  • The USSR president, Joseph W. Stalin has paid a historical visit to California, where he was greeted by thousands. The president pushed other countries of the former USA to walk on the steps of California towards freedom, independence and democracy.
  • In response to Iran's request, the 14 democratic member nations of the Middle Eastern Union unanimously voted to declare war on the U.S. Monday, calling the North American country a "dangerous rogue state that must be contained." "The United States of America has repeatedly violated international law and committed human-rights abuses at home and abroad," MEU President Mohamed Rajib said at a Monday security-council meeting. "MEU weapons inspectors have confirmed that the U.S. continues to pursue their illegal ununhexium-weapons program. Our attempts to bring about change through diplomatic means have repeatedly failed. Now, we are forced to take military action."
  • Along with the declaration of war, the MEU sent a message to the American people: "To the oppressed, silenced U.S. citizens—help is on the way, Liberty is on the march. Be assured: At the end of a long tunnel shines the light of freedom."
  • A suicide car attack has killed one Iraqi soldier and injured three in the city of Detroit, Michigan. An Iraqi military spokesman, said that this attack will not stop the MEU and the Iraqi government from continuing its mission in freeing the American people.
  • Abdel rafe3 bin Sourmay from the MEU is the first man to walk on Saturn after his mission succeeded and his rocket Landed peacefully on Saturn.
  • President Assad of Syria said in a press conference that he is willing to give the Israelis their land back based on bringing security to Damascus and disarming the Shaas party. His talks came after 300 Israeli civilians has been freed by the Syrian government. However he said that the issue of Israeli refugees is out of the question.
  • Under the leadership of Smair JaJa Jr. Lebanese Forces Resistance launched a Katyousha on the settlement of Maareef causing no injuries. Huge appeal from the opposition party Hezbollah has called for disarming LF and a spokesman and wondered why these attack take place at this crucial time and why they are directed towards our neighbor Israel.
  • Hassan Nassrallah created a secular party, called Hezblebnan....... and Manar TV organized a " Miss Pikiny contest" in the Holiday inn- Tyre
  • Despite both countries being part of the MEU, A Lebanese truck driver, celebrated his 99th birthday at the Lebanese-Syrian borders, "I arrived here when I was 22 to deliver the Bananas cargo to Iraq, and I am still waiting my turn to pass" he said.
  • Fadia Arafat demands Israel to withdraw to the 2030 borders.
  • The Lebanese President Emile Lahoud declares that he will accept -with pleasure- if the Lebanese people representatives ask him to continue his mission of building Dawlit il anoun wil mou2assassit
  • Nabih Berri : If you elect me as president of the parliament for the 20th time, I promise to start an economical audit and to be transparent.

5 Comments:

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Michael J. Totten said...

Khaled,

Ha! This is hilarious. I love your sense of humor.

Best wishes from the U.S.

Michael

 
At 12:27 AM, Blogger Ahmed Shokeir said...

Hahahah....
We wish the day....

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Eve said...

Hey, I wanted to send you one political joke I received, but I found no email on ur blog :(

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger khaled said...

Eve,
many thanks.. you also dont have an email address on your profile;-)

my email is kjmc66@hotmail.com
cheers

 
At 1:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep dreaming!!!!!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home